Wednesday, 31 July 2013

What Kate and Will Should Have Named the Royal Baby

While I have little to no interest in the latest little royal, I have been getting a lot of questions about the news. Isn't it thrilling? What is it like in London? Is it all over the news? Nope, not particularly thrilling that a couple I don't know have had a baby. Though, I am delighted that one of my oldest friends and her husband are expecting. London is a bit rainy this morning but we're expecting sunshine later - oh, you meant the baby. London is too big and too busy to care. And finally: Nope, it's not really in the news at all anymore. Or, if it is, I've just been tuning it out.

I do, however, have an opinion on the name chosen for the baby. I mean, George. Really? Does it get more dull than George Alexander Louis? I feel that the new parents have missed a golden opportunity to join the ranks of awesome celebrity baby names. Why not start screwing up privileged children from the get-go? In light of some joyous names like North West, Blue Ivy and Fifi Trixibelle, I offer you some alternative royal names:

What's His Name's future digs

1. South - if Kate and Will plan for the baby to use his surname of Wales. South Wales, is a lovely name and an excellent holiday destination. And it has the added bonus of sounding just about as good as South Cambridge. Unfortunately, North is taken and it would be so awkward to have the same name as reality TV royalty.

2. Prince - Charming. Why not just cut to the chase? It's what the tabloids will call him eventually.

3. Prince - of Bel Air. He'll have to organise the Fresh bit himself.

4. Just call him King. Then he'll be Prince King and eventually King King. Plus, it would be funny if he always introduces himself as King, even when there is a sitting queen and two people ahead of him in line to the throne. "Hello, nice to meet you. I'm King. Well, no, not technically. Not yet..."

5. Kandy - that way he'll eventually be King Kandy and we can all expect free sweets during his reign. It may be difficult for him to find a girl named Frostine, though, so we'll have to work on that.

6. King to B3 - say it outloud: King to B3. It's not just a chess move it's also the line of succession.

So, hello, Georgie. We don't really care, but thought we'd welcome you with a good slagging just to be sure you know where you stand.

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